Sunday, January 18, 2004
Reincarnation
I met someone the other night who believes in reincarnation. It was at a party and he was sorta drunk, but I believed he was serious. So I asked him who he was in his former life, and he said "Theodore Roosevelt." I guess that made sense, since he looked like someone who enjoys shooting large land mammals. I didn't want to risk angering him, so I wandered off without asking him my next question, which was this: why do reincarnated people always gotta be a reincarnation of somebody famous? Like Cleopatra, or Joan of Arc, or Samson? Why can't it ever be Angus, the town drunk, who would perform fellatio on you for a tuppence?
Well anyway, I don't believe in reincarnation, even though I've heard some believers try to prove its existence by saying stuff like, "Sometimes, when I meet people for the first time, I instantly don't like them. That must mean were were mortal enemies in our former lives."
I must admit, that statement does have a certain logic to it. But might I suggest another theory? You're an asshole. You know, instead of blaming your hate for the guy you just met on a hunch that he slaughtered your family in 1342, why not take a look at yourself? Perhaps you're just judgemental. Or perhaps you feel threatened? Whatever it is, you need to take care of it. Only you can help you.
Well, I hope the former Teddy Roosevelt isn't reading this right now. And if he is, I hope he's not polishing his elephant gun. If you know what I mean. I wouldn't want to be mistaken for a giant rhinocerous. If you know what I mean.
Well anyway, I don't believe in reincarnation, even though I've heard some believers try to prove its existence by saying stuff like, "Sometimes, when I meet people for the first time, I instantly don't like them. That must mean were were mortal enemies in our former lives."
I must admit, that statement does have a certain logic to it. But might I suggest another theory? You're an asshole. You know, instead of blaming your hate for the guy you just met on a hunch that he slaughtered your family in 1342, why not take a look at yourself? Perhaps you're just judgemental. Or perhaps you feel threatened? Whatever it is, you need to take care of it. Only you can help you.
Well, I hope the former Teddy Roosevelt isn't reading this right now. And if he is, I hope he's not polishing his elephant gun. If you know what I mean. I wouldn't want to be mistaken for a giant rhinocerous. If you know what I mean.
