Thursday, July 29, 2004

You Wanna Make a Homemade Whaaaa??? 

I almost choked on my soda when I noticed that someone visited my site via this curious Google search.

Let me just say that I don't think I've ever mentioned making such an apparatus, nor in my wildest dreams could I have ever imagined that such a thing were possible.


Why hath God forsaken me? I just found out that unagi is high in cholesterol. Unagi, for those who don't know, is broiled freshwater eel, and it is delicious. It is similar to manna from heaven, except better. It is commonly used to make sushi, but this is the way I like it...

...on a bed of rice, so you can mix it all up with the sweet unagi sauce and create an even more delicious experience, if that's even possible!

But alas, as with all things that are awesome, it is bad for me and my high cholesterol. And so, like the pork rinds before it, and the sodomy before that, I must give it up, or at least cut back, lest my butt and/or heart pay for it in the end. It's not fair, is it?

Sunday, July 25, 2004


I've been working a lot lately. So I've come to take solace in the simple things in life -- namely, grasshoppers cleaning themselves.

It certainly is a wonder of nature, but also quite sad, when an insect you find in your yard has better hygiene than most of the people you work with.

Saturday, July 17, 2004


I must say I enjoy Blogger's new posting interface, being able to change fontswhenever I likes.  Pretty neat!  But alas, much like wearing a giant glittering codpiece, it cannot improve the content of one's post, and I'm afraid this particular missive is on the subject of recycling.
Not that recycling isn't a worthy subject.  Nay, it is a very worthy subject, but for some people, an incredibly boring one.  So carry on, if you must, with your sodomy and what-not.  As for me, I really like the idea of recycling -- finding ways to re-use things you would normally throw away or making new things out of old things so you don't have to kill and/or buy anything new.  It's something that's intrigued me for a long time, so much so that my 6th grade science fair project was on my attempt to recycle paper using a blender and part of a screen door.  Basically, I threw paper and some water into the blender, pureed it, then poured the resulting goop into a tub.  I then strained the liquified paper with the screen and dried whatever collected on the screen in the sun or in the oven.  And a few hours later, PRESTO CHANGE-O, I had a new sheet of paper!  Granted, my final product was all gray and fuzzy and would fall apart really easily, and you couldn't really write on it, but it's the thought that counts.  Especially in a 6th grade science fair.
And so I made an exhibit with the different types paper I recycled.  I was more successful with some paper than with others, i.e. my recycled folder paper was nice and smooth while my recycled milk carton paper was full of bits of wax. 
And for some reason, I also tried recycling dryer lint, which some could say was a mistake.  The final product ended up looking nothing like paper as it was just dryer lint, only in a different shape.  And tragically, it also ended up with a few errant pubes sticking out of it.  Not exactly something you'd like to find hanging from some kid's science fair project.  Well, FYI, those hairs weren't mine, as I was in the sixth grade at the time and not nearly the manly specimen I am now.  Come to think of it, I'm not even sure I knew what pubes looked like back then, being naive, oblivious and Christian as I was.  
Anyway, I made it to the state finals and I won a ribbon -- for my sheer, pube-laden ingenuity.  I also vowed to one of the judges that I would carry on trying to develop better ways of recycling paper, which I didn't end up doing, as the next year brought on a switch from 6th grade private school to 7th grade public school and with it, a whole host of other crap to worry about.
But I still recycle today, or at least set things out to be recycled, which I believe is a good thing (although there has been some dispute.)  I sort my recyclables from my trash, and I take my cans and bottles to the recycling center.  Sure, it's a lot of effort for a $3.00 gift certificate to the grocery store, but hey, that's worth like six packs of bubblegum.  And as everyone knows, bubblegum makes you happy! 
So recycle for happiness, and as an added bonus, you could be helping the planet out a wee bit!

Tuesday, July 13, 2004


I'm currently watching the All-Star Game on the telly. And by telly, I mean television. Roger Clemens is getting shellacked by the American League, and it's kinda painful to watch. There's a fly buzzing about me and my soda, or "pop", as you Midwesterners call it. What do people in Australia and England call sodas? Sodies? Fizzy bizzies? Bubly ublies? I bet it's just soda.

This weekend I went to a beach party in Malibu.

It was quite nice except it was so windy. My friend bought $130 worth of crab legs and it was gone in like ten minutes. Poor guy, and he's not even rich. I only brought Doritos. But they were Cool Ranch baby!

I also saw this weird creature burrowing into the sand...

It's creepy bastards like these that make me question the whole communing with nature thing. Especially when there's things like the candiru fish, which makes a habit of swimming up your pee pee.

Wednesday, July 07, 2004


The doctor called me at work today. Since I was out at the time, she left a message saying that I needed to call her back because the results of my blood test had come in. There was a tinge of sadness to her voice as she said goodbye.

I had gone in a few days earlier because my nose had been bleeding off and on for the past month. She reassured me that it was just a sinus infection, and the antibiotics she prescribed me would clear it right up.

But now, apparently, it was something much worse, and she was sad about it. Perhaps it was an incurable blood disease. Or perhaps the dreaded wasting away. I tried to imagine how I would take the news that I had only six months to live. I thought of how I would drop the phone and collapse to the ground upon hearing the news. I'd rock back and forth and cry, or perhaps wander into traffic and scream at passing cars about this unjust world.

After I played out these woeful scenarios in my head and partly in pantomime, I finally called back my doctor.

Doctor: Topanga?

Me: Yes?

Doctor: We got the results of your blood test back.

Me: (as I brace for death) Yes?

Doctor: Your cholesterol's rather high.

Me: And?

Doctor: You need to eat better and exercise more.

Me: That's it?

Doctor: And we need to schedule you to come back in three months.
What a relief! No death sentence. Although that's tempered by the fact that it sort of is a death sentence, only slower. My family has a history of high cholesterol and clogged arteries, but I expected this to affect me when I was in my 40s or 50s like it did everyone else. I guess I just have to stop eating sticks of butter and start running again. Or join an Ultimate Frisbee league! Anybody know of any in the LA area?

Sunday, July 04, 2004

Silly Computer 

I think something's wrong with my computer. Or maybe it's just my javascript thingy, because for some reason I can't comment on other people's blogs that use Haloscan. I click on the comments, but nothing comes up. So maybe I will comment on people's blogs here.

Hey George, hope your infection clears up!

Hey Frank, of course it's normal to have three testicles!

Hey Melissa, I don't think murder is the proper way to prove your point!
Hopefully I will be fixing this computer problem soon. In the meantime, hope you're all having a great 4th of July! And for those not in the US, happy Sunday!

UPDATE: I am able to comment on some sites but not others, and even those are intermittent. What the frick.