How to Make It in Life

Waiting for the cable guy
wish I could take a dump
but then he'll probably stop by
and I'll be caught in flagrante delicto
or in other words, mid-log
And then I'll have to force it all out
hoping I didn't eat Doritos the night before
or I'll have to cut my losses
if you know what I mean
Either way, there'd be no time
to cleanse my southern palate
Usually that takes me a good five minutes
to make it as clean as a whistle
or in this case, a kazoo
I'd have to pull up my pants and rush out
and avoid shaking his hand
and curse myself the whole time
for wearing new tighty whities today