How to Make It in Life

Oh, how round!

So soft and supple
and debonair
Somewhat doughy,
yet firm
like an over-filled hot-water bottle
of blubbery goodness.

So warm and bouncy
With a perpetual sideways smile
It cheers me up in this lonely world,
humming jazz tunes all the while.

It is lit as if by an inner glow,
much like moonlight on the Seine.
It senses when there is danger,
like that sword in Lord of the Rings.

One day, with an inviting come-hither look,
it beguiled me with its grin.
And like a moth to a flame, it drew me nearer
for I had dreamed of what’s within.

Buried treasure? Requited love?
A poultice for my soul?
If I were to guess by its container
Perhaps a booty full of gold.

It was shaped much like a Valentine
of well-proportioned size.
So I sidled right up, and gave it a kiss
and got a furious brown surprise.

How could something that looked so sweet
yield the bitter fruit of sulfur?
I guess I was expecting one sort of nugget,
but instead I got the other.

And so I've learned, as with many things,
there are “dungeons in the castle”
so the next time I try to kiss your ass
I’ll be “mindful of the asshole”