Friday, April 30, 2004
A Friday's Blessing
I was standing in line at Fed Ex today waiting to drop off some packages. In front of me was this scruffy fat guy who looked somewhat agitated, in that "sunburnt drunkard who likes to eye people out" sort of way. In fact, it's probably what he does in his spare time. So it was just me and him in line, and as I said, I was standing behind him. Then, rather casually, he let out this loud sputtering fart.
I was rather proud of myself in the way that I didn't burst out laughing. Perhaps it was because I was so shocked that he didn't attempt to excuse himself, or for that matter, even acknowledge that he had farted. He just kept looking straight ahead, scratching his head and shifting his weight impatiently, with nary an embarrassed grunt or cough. Maybe he didn't even realize he had done it, so preoccupied with the FedEx guys as he was. Or maybe he farted out of anger. But if so, why take it out on me?
I took a few steps back, and thanked the good Lord that the guy did not produce the stench he looked capable of producing. I stood that way for a good minute before he was finally called upon. He stepped towards the counter, and as I took his place at the front of the line, I was immediately enveloped by one of the foulest smelling aromas I had ever experienced. Apparently the fat guy was capable of producing farts that, instead of wafting around the room, laid patiently in wait for its victim. For I fell prey to an invisible assassin - a funky ninja if you will. And it is not a thing I will soon forget.
I was rather proud of myself in the way that I didn't burst out laughing. Perhaps it was because I was so shocked that he didn't attempt to excuse himself, or for that matter, even acknowledge that he had farted. He just kept looking straight ahead, scratching his head and shifting his weight impatiently, with nary an embarrassed grunt or cough. Maybe he didn't even realize he had done it, so preoccupied with the FedEx guys as he was. Or maybe he farted out of anger. But if so, why take it out on me?
I took a few steps back, and thanked the good Lord that the guy did not produce the stench he looked capable of producing. I stood that way for a good minute before he was finally called upon. He stepped towards the counter, and as I took his place at the front of the line, I was immediately enveloped by one of the foulest smelling aromas I had ever experienced. Apparently the fat guy was capable of producing farts that, instead of wafting around the room, laid patiently in wait for its victim. For I fell prey to an invisible assassin - a funky ninja if you will. And it is not a thing I will soon forget.
