How to Make It in Life

Today, I helped my friend Stuart with his student film. Actually, I had a small role in it. I played a guy who gets beaten up without provocation by a group of cheerleaders. At the end of it, I'm pistol-whipped by the head cheerleader. So it's a comedy, I think. And I actually had a good time, getting beaten up by the cheerleaders, except when some of them forgot to soften their kicks and punches. Or maybe they didn't forget, those punks. So now I'm all sore, but it's all about sacrificing oneself for art. Or if not art, then for fame and glory, of which I am sure to receive once the film screens at school at the end of the month. And if Stuart cuts me out of it, well, I'll just have to kick him in the nuts.

Speaking of getting beaten up, my favorite women's volleyball player of all time, Lily Kahumoku, who graduated from the University of Hawaii last year, was arrested for beating up her boyfriend. My sister informed me of this by leaving a message on my answering machine saying that "your girlfriend got arrested" and that her picture was in the newspaper. For a split second, I thought my actual girlfriend had gotten arrested and made the national news, but when I found out it was Lily, and that she had beaten up her boyfriend, all I could say was, "That's my girl."

But then I thought about it, and figured that I probably shouldn't say "that's my girl" about Lily, because if she found out, she'd probably kick my ass too.

But if she did kick my ass, I can't deny that it would probably be awesome.