How to Make It in Life

A few weeks ago, my friend gave me a dream catcher. I didn't know too much about them, so I did a little research.

It is said that "dream catchers, when hung above one's bed, traps bad dreams while allowing good dreams to pass through, blessing the sleeper with an overall pleasant dreaming experience."

And so -- having had some bad dreams the previous few nights -- I hung the dream catcher over my bed, in the hopes that instead of nightmares, I would dream of Gummi Bears and Monchichis and naked ladies dancing about.

That night, I dreamed of Tony Danza. In my dream, I was watching his new TV show -- a variety cooking show of some sort. In the middle of the episode, and for no reason in particular, Tony pulled down his pants and whipped out his massive dong to show off to the audience. And by massive, I mean something with the heft of a well-stuffed burrito. And if you aren't impressed by that, then you haven't eaten the same burritos I have.

So the jury is still out on the effectiveness of my dream catcher. And yes, I blame the dream catcher for making me dream of Danza's ding-a-ling.