How to Make It in Life

While I was cleaning out the fridge this morning, I found some over-ripe kim chee, which had been sitting on the bottom shelf alone and untouched for weeks. So I of course decided to eat some. As the fermented cabbage tickled my tongue and burned my throat, I couldn't help but to imagine that this is what it must be like to eat something I found in the drain. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love kim chee, but I cannot eat this "authentic" kim chee, which, it seems, must be aged until it smells like a mixture of death and flatulence, and therefore attracts giant flies to bang futilely against your screen door. My mom would love it, but I threw the rest out. So now I feel like a sell out, and I think I overreacted and drank a few shots of rum just in case I ingested a few germs. Or perhaps it was to dull the shame. So now I'm a little tipsy and I haven't even eaten lunch yet. But it's Saturday, and it's all good!