How to Make It in Life

A while back, in high school to be exact, I was eating some pork rinds, which was one of my favorite snack foods at the time, and which, to think back on it now, may partly explain the horrendous acne I had. Anyway, I was about to pop another piece into my mouth when I looked down and noticed some thick bristly pig whiskers still attached to it.

For some reason, it wasn’t the ugly pig hairs growing out of my food that turned my stomach -- it was the thought that I might somehow be eating some mustachioed dude who had accidentally fallen into the pig fryer.

But that thought soon left my mind, as I threw the hairy morsel away and kept eating the rest of those delicious crispy bastards.

Nowadays, I eat pork rinds in moderation, if at all. They really are disgusting, yet oh so delicious. Kinda like gelatin, which it turns out is made from boiled pig and cow hides, or so I’ve read. Pretty much any animal product is disgusting in some way, if you think about it. But there’s no way I’m gonna be a vegetarian. Meat is just too delicious. Well maybe I'll consider it when I'm in my 30s or 40s or so, when I should probably start paying more attention to my health. But until then, debauchery it is!