How to Make It in Life

Remember chain letters? I got one in the mail when I was ten years old. It stated that if I didn't send a copy of the letter to five different people, I would die of a horrible disease. Did I mention I was ten years old? It freaked the hell out of me. To make things worse, I didn't even recognize the name of the letter sender. Who was he? How did he get my name and address? And how could he be so certain of my fate?

In a fragile and emotionally vulnerable state, I went to my dad for reassurance that I wouldn't die a horrible death.

"What do I do, daddy?" I asked him.

"Go clean your room! Godfunnit!" he replied.

He was usually irritable after work. So, with the threat of an untimely demise looming above my head, I took it upon myself to follow the letter's instructions exactly. I looked in the phone book and got five addresses of people I didn't know. I then made five copies of the letter by hand. It was a pretty long letter too, so my writing hand got all cramped - much as it does now, but for different reasons. And in each copy of the letter, I included the same threat of death that had been addressed to me. It was something I had to do. Otherwise the chain letter gods would strike me down on principle.

But I finally did send the letters out, copied to perfection, the very next day, and I was so frickin relieved. And I didn't die a horrible death. The end.

Of course, the letter didn't say when I would die a horrible death. So I hope the post office didn't lose any of my letters, otherwise the curse would still be in effect.

Not that it would be my fault though; I sent the letters, thus holding up my end of the deal, right? I mean, come on! I'm relying on the post office here!

*somewhat frightened*