How to Make It in Life

So I had a lot of work to do this past week, but I came down with influen-- errr, a 24-hour cold, cough cough, and so I was able to get a day off and take my cousin to Disneyland and Disney's California Adventure so I could recuperate.

And we were able to get in for free because I got some connections... let's just say that I once "tossed Goofy's salad," if you know what I mean. Is that so wrong? He's brought joy and happiness to millions of people, after all. And Disneyland tickets are fifty bucks each!

So we got in for free, but alas, those punks at Disney still somehow manage to wring the money out of you, what with parking ($9), lunch ($22), drinks ($5) and snacks ($6). It didn't help that my cousin didn't have cash on him, but oh well, I was the host after all, goddammit.

We went on a lot of rides, including Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, which I can't imagine being anything but disturbing for little kids, as it chronicles Mr. Toad's descent into hell.

And then on the Pinocchio ride, there was some stereotypical Chinaman in a cage for some reason, complete with slanted eyes and rice farmer hat. Maybe that guy was in the original movie, I don't know, but that certainly doesn't make it right! You dig? Zippity doo da!

And in California Adventure, we watched A Bug's Life 3D movie/interactive stage show, which was really cool, but was also extremely frightening to the kids. Huge black widow spiders descend from the ceiling at one point, accompanied by loud and scary sound effects, and after they leave and it quiets back down, you can hear all the kids sobbing, being comforted by their parents.

And then we saw Kobe Bryant there -- no, not the interactive stage show -- the actual guy, accompanied by his wife and her gigantic $4 million dollar diamond apology ring. It looked like a giant piece of rock candy, and it looked absolutely delicious. But I had to get my cousin away from them, because he was talking really loudly about Kobe's trial, trying to cause trouble, and I didn't want us to get beaten up by the bodyguards.

Though that probably would've made for a funny story!